Video: #TuesdayTip on why kids misbehave

Watch Carol explain why kids misbehave – and how their behavior is simply the tip of the iceberg.  Beneath every behaviour is a need. And underneath each need is a feeling and/or belief.  When children need attention they will look for it in healthy ways unless they are not getting that need met.  When this happens they turn to unhealthy/negative ways to get their need for attention met.  The same is true for the other three needs (also known as goals of misbehavior according to the S.T.E.P model).

Carol explains that there are only 4 needs (or goals) that make kids misbehave : attention; power; revenge and/or as a ‘show’ of helplessness.  When we as parents start to look a little deeper into their behaviour, instead of simply reacting instinctively, we realize that they have a feeling and need driving what they’re doing.  In this way, we learn to respond (instead of react/lash out) and this changes everything.

For children, feelings and needs are often underlying (or unconscious), so it’s very hard for them to understand their motives for behaviour.  It’s our job as parents to ask ourselves, ‘how may she be feeling?’ or ‘what is she needing’ in any situation in order to interpret what’s going on when they misbehave.  To understand this more and work on some examples in your own life situation click here to buy the ParentMagic – raising kids positively book.